Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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