i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
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I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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