there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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