I looked at my own cervix.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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