my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
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You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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