I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize