Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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