I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize