Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
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The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
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First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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