my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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