well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
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And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
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It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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