She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
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I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
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there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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