You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
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DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
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its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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