i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
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Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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