I look better un-naked...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
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In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you had me at cake vodka
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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