We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
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What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
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Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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