So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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