Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize