remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
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My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
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While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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