suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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