sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize