He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize