Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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