i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize