dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
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he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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