yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
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