He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Drunk is a universal language darling
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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