Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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