this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
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We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
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I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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