I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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