She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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