they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
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you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
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Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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