Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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