Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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