it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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