please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize