Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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