so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
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I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
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I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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