I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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