just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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