i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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