Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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