Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
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still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
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That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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