have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i will never coherently bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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