i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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