Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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