'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
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Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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