Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize