I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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