Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
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Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
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What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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