i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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