we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
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still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
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I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize